I am all for having a martini or two, folks. Maybe even three if it’s at least 10:00 AM. (I have my standards, you know.) However, I do draw the line at drinking and typing. It seems the MLS is going to hell in a hand basket. Read these real estate bloopers and tell me if you agree that there should be a breathalyzer test for fingers:
Corn Squeezins = Loss of Reason
“Pone found at open house” (Proudly ofered by Alabama Al and his Cornbread Combo.)
“Seller says he’s don” (That explains the horse’s head in your bed.)
“New studdo in back” (New bottle of Viagra in medicine cabinet.)
“Cabbage lights line the driveway” (Welcome to the International House of Slaw.)
“Long lisp of improvements” (Thairs, thucco, thiding and thewer?)
Over the Line on Moonshine
“Brown patches due to gardener ear” (Now that’s a disgusting wax problem!)
“Light filled adrian” (I warned Adrian about holding a flashlight in her teeth while on a trampoline.)
“This dimond is goiing to sell” (This dictionary is going to hit you upside the head.)
“Tase it all together” (Motto of the ever-friendly L.A.P.D. )
“Stains are from zap” (Let me guess – your boxer shorts after being tased by the L.A.P.D.?)
Be Glad You Weren’t on Skype
“Bevriges served” (From the looks of things, they come in a shot glass.)
“Large space cabinet” (Are you referring to the space between your ears?)
“Bonus for close earl” (Grunted the surgeon to his flask after suturing the nail-gun wound in Earl’s hairy buttocks.)
“On steep hell” (Just like your career?)
This Week’s Fave
“Just pissed inspection” (This gives new meaning to “just waiting for the ink to dry.”)
That's all until next Friday, folks. In the meantime - Spell and Sell!
For more real estate humor, please visit Gwen at www.sherlockofhomes.blogspot.com/ or Agent Genius. For all your real estate needs, please go to www.LAhomesite.com.
Gwen, rolling on the floor...just pissed inspection! Love your posts.
Paula, that's what I do every time I find these bloopers...and sometimes after a few martinis :)
Gwen - Your list is very funny, especially the last one. It's too bad it's all true!
Gwen,
Again! TGIF, have a great weekend!
Dick Beals
How about, "Not fart from shopping" ?
“Long lisp of improvements” (Thairs, thucco, thiding and thewer?) ... and a thudio, don't forget the thudio!
Laura, that one is destined to become a classic!
Dick - you, be sure to have a great one, too!
David, that's hysterical! Shopping makes a lot of people fart - just from the sticker shock!
Cynthia, I sthand corrected - thankths.
OMG... almost had an asthma attack I was laughing so hard!!! way to go Gwen...TGIF
Thanks, Peggy. Yes, stupidity can certainly take one's breath away!
It's amazing, or actually it isn't, that you have so much material each week. But I am so glad. It is a great way to finish the week.
Gwen.... I am dying here.... these Bozo's make me look really good I have to say. Keyboards and booze just don't mix well. Keyboards and any drug probably are not the best idea....
Thanks for the laugh. I really don't even know which one I like the best!!!!
Jane, thanks - I'm sure you'd agree that it's hard to explain our local language to non-Los Angelenos :)
Andrea, it's these bozos that drive me to drink!
Gwen -- I am sure you have to fortify yourself somehow to get through the multiple entries that come across your screen each week. Thank you for the lightening of the day.
Have a great weekend!
YEAY!!! IT IS FRIDAY!!!
Ok... now let me go read the post.
Gwen,
Which Adrian is getting light filled?
Gwen, really needed this laugh tonight!!
Gwen, I don't know... maybe...
Maybe if we have many more martinis it will all make sense to us.
Have mercy it's Friday. Need to have a drink and try to read some of these bloopers again to see if I could figure out what they were supposed to mean.
Gwen, havin' a glass of wine and they're lookin' better by the minute! Just pissed inspection had me almost rolling on the floor and my dogs thinking I wanted to play!
Patty, it would take so many that I'd end up in rehab. Of course, that might be a welcome vacation...
Cindy, if you can do that, you need to join MENSA!
John, my dog just pissed dinner :)
Patty, incidentally...I was thinking of "Yo, Adrian!"
Always hysterical and sort of sad that you can find these week after week. Love reading these every Friday :)!
Brenda, thanks so much. Have a wonderful weekend!
Gwen and Friday, not a better combo anywhere! My favorite was “Long lisp of improvements” (Thairs, thucco, thiding and thewer?) until I got to the end....
Thanks for being you and being here.
Hi Gwen--I like what Marge said above--"Gwen and Friday, not a better combo anywhere". Okay this week the bloopers are so atrocious. No longer is this just spell checker--what is going on with the English grammar?
Marge, I love hearing from you. Thanks for your support!
Janet, kudos to you for figuring out that it's English. I was on the fence with that :-)
Gwen - these are hilarious. I will reblog later. I'm amazed at you ae able to find so many each week.
I gotta say, I see those long lisps of improvements all the time. Most of them with hiccups as well.
Or maybe hickups.
Hi Gwen. Your comments are priceless. I look forward to your blog every week. Thanks.
Good morning Gwen,
I waited specifically to read these this morning, just so I could kick off a busy weekend with a laugh. You always deliver!
ps - that inspection is one that I am glad I missed!
Debbie, I always have more than I can use. Of course, as a humorist, I just select the ones I can make good quips about, but believe me, the selection is unlimited!
Jay, as an inspector, I am sure you also see a lot of contractors that "piss inspections." I don't even want to know what the alternative to "pissing an inspection" is!
Thank you, Conrad, and I look forward to hearing from you every week!
Lisa, Happy Saturday. Yes, I would agree about "pissing an inspection." I would think that would be a violation of the sanitation codes...and it would require a steady diet of Starbucks.
How does anyone who writes "Bevriges" get a listing? That's the part I don't get. As always, love these funnies. I'm still scratching my head thinking how these agents ever got licensed.
Bryan, maybe that agent is the seller's drinking buddy. I'm just sayin'...
Gwen,
You were right. I have been drinking for the past 24 hours and those still don't make sense to me.
Patty, keep pounding 'em down...and then let me know if you've figured it out by Monday :)
Gwen, I'm thinking the reason they pissed inspection is because you can't use cabbage lights on the driveway. They're only used in the saladarium.
Mike, that's hilarious - you should be writing this blog!
Gwen, I could never keep up with you. Your role as the Master of MLS Missteps is secure. The rest of us will keep providing fodder for your funnies.
Thank you, Mike - although I must say that your material is hilarious. We should do a road show! :)
Gwen,
I am leaving to Tallahassee to lobby our State Representatives... check back with me on Friday. I might really get a drinking problem once I find out how the sausage is made (I am sure it isn't vegan).
Love it! You can't make this stuff up! My favorite is "on steep hell," which I think is a Freudian slip, cause that sucker ain't gonna sell!
Melissa, that agent ain't gonna sell much either!
Gwen,
My suspicion has been confirmed, the sausage is not vegan - there is "pork" everywhere.
I am lobbying for a Florida Bill that sets a 18 month moratorium on the lender's right to file for a deficiency judgment after a short sale or foreclosure.
Your beautiful State does not allow a lender to sue a borrower after a short sale or a foreclosure :D
I am only asking for 18 months which is very reasonable and it will help Florida's distressed home market and sellers. Plus as vegan, I'm not asking for any meat with my "bill". Don't you think they should just do what I want? I think so.
Are you mocking the mentally impaired? :) Thanks for the laugh.
Patty, good for you! I so admire your effort and determination, and I wish you great success. Yes, there is fat everywhere...especially between the ears of many politicians - Crisco Cortex Syndrome. Please don't drown, and be sure to keep me posted.
No, Gene...these agents are a mockery unto themselves!
Gwen,
I am exhausted. Who knew lobbying would be hard work.
The Crisco Cortex Syndrome is wide spread... you obviously have personal knowledge... your ex must have held elected office.
Patty, actually I elected him to the post of Czar of Ancient History.
See, I knew he had been elected to something. Seems like he got the perfect position.
Patty, a better position would be under a bus. Kidding.
Gwen - I saw a guy who goes under a car, that he calls his boyfriend (not kidding), to have relations... I wonder if this is the newest fad.
I saw that, too, Patty...and the mothball lady. When I was an actress, I once had a director who constantly wanted to brush my hair...and it always made him pant! I may be liberal, but quite honestly, I wish people would keep their fetishes to themselves. I'm still wondering if the car-kissing was an act, but either wat, he needs therapy.
You have nice hair, I can see why he wanted to brush it. :)~
I don't think the car thing was an act, which just makes it all even more creepy.
Have you ever smelled a mothball? AHH gross.
We appreciate the laughs your posts brings. . thanks again for another winner!
I followed Dorie! These are hysterical! I always appreciate a laugh!
Good morning Gwen,
I came over from Debbie's re-blogg on this post. These are hysterical! As Fernando says..we do appreciate the laughs your posts..bring..thanks for another winner..wonderful share!
Hi Gwen, I also came over from Debbie's reblog.... these are just toooooo funny ... wondering why the LA's don't proof read before submitting the listing....AH they are just too busy or drunk :)